Leading By Example Starts With Your State

Show Notes

In this episode, John Douglas talks about what leadership really means today.

He explains how leadership is shifting away from just hard work and control, and toward mindset, energy, and self-mastery. Your internal state doesn’t just affect you. It shapes your business, your team, and your family.

John encourages letting go of outdated habits, taking personal responsibility, and showing up in a way that naturally inspires others.

Leadership isn’t just about what you do. It starts with how you show up.

When you lead with the right energy and direction, people step up, ownership grows, and results improve without constant pressure.

If you want to lead with purpose, clarity, and calm, this episode is for you.

For more on the Deru approach to leadership from the inside out, visit www.derunation.com

Timestamps

00:00:00 — Improving leadership through energy

00:04:25 — Everything starts from within

00:09:29 — Modern leadership and inner mastery
 

00:10:38 — Focus on self-leadership first

00:16:19 — Focusing on personal growth

Sequence of Topics Covered

Introduction & Context

• Changing expectations of younger generations regarding leadership
• The importance of leading with purpose, presence, and peace of mind
• Purpose of The Grounded Man Podcast
• Vision for leadership in the 21st century

What is Leadership?

• Definition: Influence and inspiration of others and events
• Leverage: Influencing without direct involvement
• Challenges: Team members not stepping up or taking responsibility

The Role of Energy in Leadership

• Self-leadership’s impact on others
• Understanding energy: frequency and vibration
• Reference to Nikola Tesla’s views on vibration and frequency
• Numbers as the basis for scientific and business progress

Influence through Energy and Identity

• Ripple effect metaphor: pebble in a pond
• Individual energy, identity, and behaviors shaping outcomes and environment
• Attraction of similar energy; repulsion of dissimilar energy
• Positive and negative states attracting corresponding outcomes
• The futility of expecting positive results from a negative state

Identity in Business Leadership

• Fixer vs. Creator identities:
  • Fixer: solving others’ problems, making decisions for others, drained of energy
  • Creator: visionary, strategist, culture builder, empowers others
• Shifting from front-line doer to leader and organizer
• Value of self-perception as a leader
• Growth into leadership, not being born a leader

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Youthful generations are not accepting that. They will not come to a place of work to take on responsibility if they feel that they're going to be led by somebody like this. They want somebody who leads with purpose, who leads with presence, who leads with peace of mind. Welcome to the Grounded Man podcast by Deru. I am your host, John Douglas, and founder of Deru. This space is for hardworking men building businesses, carrying responsibility, and providing for their families who feel they should be freer. You see, the world has changed, and leading through hard work and long hours now limits a man's influence. The new way is mastering the inner game of leadership so you can carry it well, enjoy what you're building, and still feel free. Deru is leadership for the 21st century. Okay, episode three is today, and we're talking about leadership. What is leadership? And that's what we've spoken about over the last couple of episodes is you know, what does it mean to be a hardworking man in the 21st century? What does it mean to master the inner game? And now we're talking about leadership. And so leadership to me is about influencing. It's about influencing other people, influencing other events. It's about inspiring, inspiring other people, inspiring other events. And so leadership is about leverage, being able to influence your surroundings and others without you having to be there. Because often, you know, in business, we can think of our team members and some of them that don't step up. It feels like that it seems like they don't care at times or they don't take the responsibility like they should. And so if we can actually lead ourselves better and change our own energy, we can actually influence others better. And that's what you have to be open to in listening to this episode today. Is that can I change myself and change my own energy and change my own identity and change my own kind of behaviors? And does that actually have an influence on other people or can I influence those other people? And I can tell you you can. You can because this all operates off energy and energy never lies. So what is energy at the at the base of it? It's all about frequency, energy, vibration. And this is what Nikola Tesla spoke about. He says, if you want to understand the secrets of the universe, think in terms of these. Think in terms of vibration and frequency. Vibration and frequency, we shouldn't be, you know, I suppose, afraid of them or skeptical of them, because all they are at the end of the day is numbers. And if you think about the progress we've made over the last couple of millennia as a human race, it's all been based on numbers. It's all nearly it's a lot of mechanical, you know, scientific growth has happened, occurred, has occurred, and it's all based on numbers. You know, we want to prove something. We use numbers in the business, we use numbers for everything, okay, as a ways to measure. And so frequency and vibration are the exact same. So think of this. Think of you're walking beside maybe you're out for a walk in your locality, and think of uh an area you go, you know, you know there's a lake, and maybe a pond or something like that, and you pick up a pebble, you gently just throw the pebble into the pond or the lake. What happens? So, what happens is a ripple forms. I want you to think of yourself, you're like that pebble, and your energy, your identity, your strategy, how you show up that affects the ripples. Because if you got a big stone and threw it in, the ripples will be different. You are influencing everything around you, you're influencing everything around you. So your frequency and vibration will attract things on a similar frequency on vibration towards you, and it will repel things that are not on that vibration. So let me bring that down to very basics. If you're in a really positive state, you will attract positive outcomes. If you're in a negative state, you will attract negative outcomes. You can't be in a negative state and attract positive outcomes. The whole strain and struggle of mankind is is basically summed up in that sentence. We're living from a negative state and expecting positive outcomes. It's not going to happen like that. We think we're we we can force these things to happen. Life happens naturally. All life starts from within. If you think of the acorn that expresses itself into the oak tree, or if you think of a fertilized egg that grows and comes out as a baby nine months later, everything starts from a seed and it grows out, it expands outwards. And energy, the energy, the vibrations that we have, that we can't be in a negative vibration because that's almost like we're sending, we're putting out negative seeds, we're planting negative seeds and expecting positive trees or positive results into our lives. It doesn't work that way. It's cause and effect. These are like, and people work this way. How do you know if you're working this way? If you ever complain about things or feel are you, you know, you catch yourself feeling a little bit entitled or a little bit hurt or betrayed, these are all signs that you're expecting better outcomes, but you're probably but you're being negative about it. So you need to be more positive about it. And so the leadership piece is about being in a really good positive energy because leadership is way more about energy than it is about strategy. Leadership is more about the culture than it is about you know the plan. So we need to be really clear on what energy are we in and how is that actually influencing others. And the easiest way is like I need to be in positive energy to have a positive outcome. And I'm not talking just about positive thinking. Positive thinking is not positive energy, positive thinking can create positive energy, energy is what you feel in the body. That's what the power is, that's the emotion. The emotion is the power, and taking action from that, and taking action even in even in spite of negativity sometimes can create feelings of positivity inside. So it works both ways. But knowing that basically it is an energy and that we're on a frequency, and that frequency is influencing things around us, and so we need to get on a quick frequency quickly in order to influence things in the right way. And to go straight into this in a business context, how do you see yourself in your business? Because how you see yourself forms your identity, and your identity gives off that state, gives off that energy, that vibration. And so let me break it down very simple for you. Do you see yourself as the fixer or do you see yourself as the creator? So the fixer is somebody who is solving problems, but which is a good thing, but unfortunately, you're solving everyone else's problems. You're making everyone else's decisions for them. You're almost doing their work for them. You're paying people to do work. How many times have you thought to yourself, I'm paying this person to do this thing, and they keep coming to me looking for the answer? So if that happens over and over again, that's a pattern. And that's how you know you're being the fixer in the business. You're the one stuck on the front line, grinding it out, doing all the firefighting, and it just drains your time, your energy, and your headspace. That's the fixer. And that's an identity. That's not just where you are, that's not just business. That's just not how business is. That is your identity. Your identity has created a frequency, and that's what you're attracting into your environment. So if you if you think you're the problem solver, well then everyone's going to come to you with their problems. So you need to say, I'm not the problem solver. I'm the one who sets the vision. I want you to be the creator. The creator is the visionary, it's the strategist, it's the culture builder, it's the system builder. That's the creator. It's the person that is enabling everything to happening, empowering everything to happening, but not actually, not actually on the front line doing the work or providing the value or the service. You're the one that organizes all that. And when you do that, you have time then to grow and develop, develop the team, develop opportunities, develop the culture, develop whatever needs to be developed in the business. And so how you're showing up, like how you're leading, is all about that energy because that identity makes up the energy force that's there. And so often we don't even think of ourselves as leaders in the business. We just see ourselves as doers or as managers, and you actually don't see yourself as a leader. So you need to start seeing yourself as a leader to be the leader. Makes sense. And so in this way, you grow into leadership. So, you know, there was a big debate, I don't know, back in like the 1980s about leaders and like being a born leader, that leaders are born. You know, they're leaders aren't made, they're born. And so I believe that's not true. I believe anyone can become a leader, and I believe leaders are built. I believe they grow, you grow into leadership, and you grow into leadership firstly by leading yourself better. So taking responsibility for the things you can control, like your mindset and your thinking and your actions. And in doing so, then you start to make better decisions, better behaviors, get better results, and that inspires the people around you, and you're in a good energy because of that. So leaders are grown, and Daru really is about helping leaders become leaders for the 21st century. Because too often leadership in the past has been about fear-driven leadership, taking control, that kind of dictator kind of leader. But now we need to move into the 21st century. Younger generations are not accepting that. They will not come to a place of work to take on responsibility if they feel that they're going to be led by somebody like this. They want somebody who leads with purpose, who leads with presence, who leads with peace of mind. And all that comes in through having mass, like we talked, spoke about in the last episode, mastering the inner game, mastering the mental side of things, the emotional side of things, the spiritual side of things. Because now you are feeling connected. Now you want good for everyone, and you're contributing for you know it's a win-win scenario that you're creating, and it's not about us versus them, it's more collaborative. And as maybe as you know, fairy tale as this sounds, this is what we should be aiming for. Because if we don't aim for it, we'll definitely never get there. And we'll it will exist in where business is, which is on the battlefield. It's a war out there, it's competitive, we're on the front lines, we're in the trenches, somebody just dropped a bomb. We use all this language instead. We need to get over that. We're in the 21st century now. This is much more about let's thrive together. We know when we work together, we can accomplish a lot more than working on our own. So we need to get into that mindset. And that's what leadership is about, is about bringing people together so that we can all move forward together. So when we're talking about leadership, I I mentioned leading yourself first. And that has to be number one. It's like putting on your own oxygen mask first. If you don't put on your own oxygen mask first, you die. If you die, you're no good to anybody. And that might be an extreme, but you can look at your own life and say, how much energy have I got every day or every week to enjoy what I do and to enjoy my family and to enjoy life? Because if that feels like it's low, you're doing the exact same thing. It's just on a much slower level. So you're building on one hand, you're building this life, your dream life, and often you're living in your dream life. You have the family you want, you have the business you want, but on the other hand, you don't actually have the energy to even enjoy it. So the cost of success has been too great. The cost of success, you've lost yourself in succeeding. And so I want to bring you back to a way of how can you succeed, but actually in a way that energizes yourself and expresses who you are and not fighting against life and fighting against yourself. So you have to be number one. Secondary that in the ripples of responsibility, think of this now as you're dropping that pebble in the water and think of these ripples. So the first ripple is you, it's personal responsibility, it's self-leadership. The next ripple is family leadership. The next ripple is business leadership, and the next ripple is beyond that. So these are the ripples of responsibility. And so, how you know if you're giving yourself enough energy and attention is if your time, your energy, and your headspace are drained or not. If you feel like you've lots of it, you're probably doing well. If you feel like you have none of it, you need to change something. And I want you to think about professional athletes. Think of like an Irish rugby player for the moment. Like, let's think of Tig Furlong. Okay, Tig Furlong, he's a professional athlete. Every week, his whole system, his whole structure is built around him looking after his performance. And whether that's nutrition, whether that's mindset, whether that's training, whether that's skill development, whether that's whatever that is, he works on it to make sure he's at the top of his game. And if he knows of a way to get an extra inch, he will work on that to get the extra inch. So think of these professional athletes, they're only performing maybe once a week for whatever 80-90 minutes. You're performing every day, yet you don't put in maybe any constructs into your week or supports that allow you to work on your mindset or your energy or your focus or your recovery. And that last one there, recovery is the big one. That as a as a leader, you need to have time in your week for rest, recovery, and recharging. You need to take probably if you're if you're a workaholic, if you describe yourself as that, you probably need to put more effort and focus into rest, recovery, and recharging than you do into your work. Because it's you're working working your arse off is in your comfort zone. Taking a step back and not working and recovering, that's uncomfortable. That's outside your comfort zone. So often we talk about oh, you need to get outside of your comfort zone to grow. This is what it looks like. It's doing something that your body, do you almost feel like if I don't keep working, things are going to fall apart? Test it, challenge it, take that step back and see do they. You've all had moments where your your phone is broke or something's happened and you've had no contact with anyone for a day, and everything was still fine the next day. But we're living in this kind of conditioned mind that we think everything's gonna fall apart if we're not there controlling it right now in this moment. So we need to overcome that. Why do we need to overcome that and take that personal responsibility? Because if we're not enjoying the work, if we're not learning how to carry responsibility well, if we're not learning how to be in a calm, peaceful state, have presence as leaders, remember we're sending off an energy that's influencing those around us. So if you're not carrying that responsibility with positivity and not just a positive thinking mindset, but actually feeling positive, feeling joyful, feeling good about it, feeling energized, if you're not carrying that, other people are picking up on that. And so we have to inspire the next generation to come in and pick up responsibility and carry it with us. And we're not going to be able to do that if they if all they see is pressure and stress, because they won't be enticed to do it, they won't have a desire to do it. So we need to do is we need to get rid of the kind of whole martyr martyrism around leadership, and I'm carrying it all, I'm the one doing the work, I'm I'm the one grinding it out, I'm working the long hours. We need to get over ourselves and get beyond that, and we need to take responsibility for what we can control, which is our energy and our mindset and make sure that's at the top, so that every time we show up uh and every time a team member sees us, we're there to greet them with presence and we inspire them and influence them that way. And if you've been experiencing a lot in your business where your team they don't seem to care, they don't step up, they're not pulling their weight. I guarantee if you start changing this about yourself, you will notice a difference in them. Because right now you're probably giving off energy that's uncertain, and uncertain energy is the biggest cause of procrastination and doubt. If you're a certain leader, if you're certain, and the only way to be certain is to be present. Now you start to influence people. People can feel that certainty. This guy knows where he's going, and I want to go with him. That's the kind of attitude you want people to have around you. They won't have that attitude unless you develop it within yourself first. So the big part of you know this episode is I want you to start taking personal responsibility. What are you doing for your mindset? What are you doing for your energy? What are you doing for your focus? More importantly, what are you doing for your recovery and recharging? And I want you to identify something you can do this week that do for yourself, like putting on your own oxygen mask, something that will lift you up, that will re-energize you, re-boost you so that when you go into work next time or back into the family in the even time, that you're not physically there, but actually absent, you're actually present. Thank you so much for listening today. I really enjoy sharing this wisdom because it doesn't come from me, it comes through me from the work I do with men like you that I serve. So if the idea shared today resonated, be sure to like and follow the show. And if another man would value it, share this episode with him. Because the more men who hear this, the more of us can break free from pressure and enjoy what we're building. So let's enjoy the build together. Thank you for listening, and I'll see you next week.