Am I the only one that cares about the business?

Do you ever feel like you are the only one who truly cares about your business?

In this episode, John explores the loneliness and pressure that can come from carrying too much responsibility alone. He explains why business is not just a machine built on systems and output, but a living thing built on people, trust, relationships, and purpose. He also talks about letting go of the belief that you are missing something, reconnecting with your deeper purpose, and learning to grow the people first so the people can grow the business.

For more on the Deru approach to leadership from the inside out, visit www.derunation.com

00:01:13 — Feeling Like the Only One Who Cares

00:03:10 — Loneliness in Business

00:04:06 — Separating Yourself from the Business

00:05:00 — You Are Already Enough

00:06:15 — Business Is Built on People

00:08:13 — The Cost of Isolation

00:12:18 — Creating Vision and Purpose

00:14:02 — Treating Business Like a Living Thing

00:15:14 — What Would You Do If Nothing Was Missing? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

They're treating it like a living thing. They're treating your business, not like a machine, like a living thing, like an ecosystem or an organism that needs tending, that needs mining. Can you imagine people thinking this way about it? Because if you want them to think this way about it, you have to start thinking about it this way first. And you have to treat them like that too. So that you grow the people first and the people grow the business. Welcome to the Grounded Man podcast by Deru. I am your host, John Douglas, and founder of Deru. And this space is for hardworking men building businesses, carrying responsibility, and providing for their families who feel they should be freer. You see, the world has changed, and leading through hard work and long hours now limits a man's influence. The new way is mastering the inner game of leadership so you can carry it well, enjoy what you're building, and still feel free. Deru is leadership for the 21st century. Are you somebody that feels you're the only one that cares in your business? Now you might be the business owner or a leader, but do you feel like you're the only one that really cares, or at least it appears that way? Well, if that if so, this episode is going to be for you because I'm going to help you reframe this totally to see not only that you're not, but also how to show up better so that other people come on the journey with you better, which I presume is what you'd like to happen with more ease. But I want to start with asking you, who do you admire? You know, dead or alive through human history, who is somebody that stands out as an all-time great in your mind? I want you to think about that person. What is it that they've achieved? Obviously, you you they've achieved something great, and it might be even in your local community, might be even a family member, or it could be on a worldly scale, it doesn't really make a difference. But what is it that they've actually achieved, or what kind of impact have they had? Because something has stood out from them to you. And now I want you to ask, is that person, were they born with anything unique? Do they have some special gift that is not available to any of the rest of us that they man magically seem to be able to do things or make things happen that other people couldn't? Or are they born just like you, with a mind, with a body, with a spirit, and they've just understood themselves enough to use it to great effect? It's important that you answer this question because if you believe that other people are born with things that you don't have, well then you're obviously going to limit yourself. But if you believe we're all born equal, we all have the same mind, body, and spirit, we all have the same abilities, maybe not physical, maybe we're born with different talents, maybe there is differences in personality, but in general as a whole, we're born with the same potential. Well then the reason people, some people achieve and they're and bring others along on the journey, and the reason others don't has to be down to one's own understanding of themselves. And this is where the problem arises because often we feel isolated in business, and loneliness is a big, big problem. A lot of workers in this day and age are disengaged in the workplace. That's obviously showing high degrees of isolation and loneliness. There's a big, you know, pull back down to community aspects, in-person events rather than just being virtual and online because people want connection. And that lack of connection sometimes can appear that we're isolated, that we're on our own here. It can make us feel like nobody else cares. And this is the problem in business. We feel like that nobody else cares the way I do. Is it me? Am I different? Is it the way I'm wired? Am I missing something? These are kind of questions that we ask ourselves when the people around us maybe just aren't stepping up the way we'd like them to. But maybe we're maybe we're too much involved in the business. Maybe our identity is wrapped up in that business. And then when people don't do things, it actually feels like a personal attack. So it's not a business issue or a HR issue or a work issue. It's actually becomes a personal issue because we're too attached to it. And so we need to separate ourselves from the business and see who we are behind that. Because what who are we really? Who we are really is we're a spiritual being, we have a mind, and we live in a body. That's basically it. And we get to choose how we show up every day. But we don't think like this day to day. I was never taught to think this way growing up. I had to learn this for myself. I thought I was the job that I was doing. I thought it was where I live and I thought I thought it was how much money I was earning. I thought all these things I thought about myself, that none of them really mattered. I don't know, I didn't know who I was on the inside. When you don't know who you are on the inside, there's always going to be something missing because you're you're you've unmet expectation on the outside. Okay. And this is part of the problem. We have expectations and they're unmet, and that proves back something to us that we're missing something inside. But the truth is, you are always enough. You are enough. Everything you have, like I said, anyone you admire in history or today alive that are doing great things, they are they're not, they don't have anything different to you. They're the same as you, they're the same as me and you. The only difference is they recognize something, some inner completeness within themselves. This is what I call the complete man, that you don't feel like you're missing anything. Because when you feel like you're missing something, now you start to disconnect. You start to actually build barriers and put barriers in place that in truth there are none. And when you start to do this, you feel a tension and a friction, and you start actually working against life rather than working with life. Because if you feel like there's something missing, it's almost like this is me on the inside, and this is the world on the outside, and I have to fight against it. I have to butt heads with it, and I have to force my way, I have to get my way. And this you might feel this in your business when the team aren't stepping up. You know, you've you've set the standards, you've told people things, you've told people again and again, you wrote it down, you've set maybe a vision, you've set um a clear purpose, whatever it is, people aren't on board with it. And it's like, am I the only one that cares? You're not. You're not the only one that cares. We're human beings. And maybe we need to humanize ourselves first before we start to humanize others more and get the most from them. Rather than so, rather than running the business just like a machine and seeing it just as a machine, we have to realize we're businesses built on people. Business built on people means that business is probably 80-90% people and relationships and trust, and the other 10-20% is systems and process and flow and efficiency and things like that. So we have to grow people first in order for the business to grow. And so we need to start with ourselves. So, how do we want to be in this situation? I'm sure you want to be feeling connected, feeling alive, feeling energized, feeling like there's nothing missing, feeling confident. You want to be working with life in a good flow with life. Things are unfolding and you're going with them. That doesn't mean you you uh you take it easy and you just you know go downstream with the flow. It's like you're swimming against the flow, but you're doing it with the path of least resistance. And that's really what we want. We want to feel kind of connected to something around us, having a strong purpose in life and not being pulled by the problems, being led by a strong purpose. And as I said, the gap here really is every time you put up a barrier that it's me versus them, you're creating an imaginary and illusionary barrier that actually isn't there. But the way your mindset is is taking it on, it's giving it meaning, it's telling you a story that you're isolated. But you have to separate facts from story. Again, we knew we do we need to do this so that we can clear the air. Because what's the cost if we don't? If we don't clear the air, if we don't start thinking that we're all doing this and pulling in the one direction, well then you know that old phrase, divide and conquer. That's exactly what happens. When you feel isolated, you're divided. And if you feel isolated from other people, there's probably a part of you inside that's isolated from yourself, from your true self. So you're showing up how you think you need to show up for others and not for yourself. So you need to get that aligned. But the cost of not doing that is you lack enjoyment, you won't be able to receive, you won't be able to surrender or trust, you'll try and control everything, you'll try and force everything, and you'll just put so much pressure on yourself to perform and to prove and to please others, and it'll just take away, it won't even be worth it at the end of it. That's the cost of all this. It's the cost is your freedom. So, what do we need to do? Well, we need to clear. We need to clear the air here. So we need to let go of the identity that I am the business and that I am what I do. Because if we don't see ourselves behind it, then those issues that are business issues become personal issues. And then we dissociate ourselves, we isolate ourselves from that and we feel isolated. So we need to clear the air here. And what do we need to clear? We need to clear the idea that I'm not enough. That idea needs to go out the window because you are more than enough to achieve anything that you want to achieve. And everyone will come in and buy in with you. But if you keep putting up barriers and boundaries in places that they shouldn't be there, well then you're going to isolate yourself. And the fear basically leads you to putting up those boundaries and barriers in places they shouldn't be. Yes, having good boundaries is good to protect your time and energy, but when you put them in the wrong places, they slow down the energy flow and the momentum and they stall your growth. So the growth stops. So you are more than enough. You have everything that you need to achieve. And I'm going to tell you why now, because you need to accept some ideas into the mindset here that maybe you've never heard before. And the truth is there's more to you than just your mind and your body. You have a spirit, okay? And that's the infinite part of you. That's the piece of you that keeps you connected to all the rest of life. And it's infinite because it works through energy, your thoughts are energy, spirit is energy, so therefore your thoughts are spiritual. So every time you think, your thoughts are responding to you. That's the infinite part of you because it doesn't matter what you think, it starts to respond to you. And so because you have this part of you that can think and it's responding to you, you have your own willpower, which is part of the mind and body, but then you have this other power, this infinite power that is your thought energy, that is your spiritual energy, and it's responding to what you think all the time. And it's unit's unlimited, it's infinite because it never stops creating whatever you're thinking about. It never stops. And it'll create anything you want to think about. So it's the thought of isolation that's actually causing isolation, and you need to accept that. So if you feel like you're the only one that cares in your business, you need to get rid of that thought out of your mind. If you think is that I'm the only one that can carry this, you need to get rid of that thought out of your mind. You need to get let go of anything that's limiting you. That's what you need to accept. You need to accept that there is no limitations, only what I put on myself. Because there is no such thing as the self-made man. Everything that happens in life happens as a collective. We're all working on this together. Whatever the greater purpose might be, we have our own individual purposes, but they're all part of a bigger picture. That's what I believe. That's what I mean to be a spiritual person. I believe in that. I believe in the greater good and uh and forward momentum of human evolution and society. I believe in that. And so I have to let go of the idea there's something outside trying to stop me because that's where the isolation feeling is going to come in. And so, what do you need to give yourself permission to do? You need to give yourself permission to feel supported, to feel safe, to feel grateful in moments when you get that support, when somebody agrees with you, when somebody does what you ask them to do, when somebody shows initiative, you need to be grateful in those moments. And the problem is they're happening already this week, but you can't think of one because you're not focused on them. If I said to you, you know, I want you to uh buy a new red Volkswagen golf, all you would see on the road for the next week are red Volkswagen golfs because that's what your mind is drawn to. So bring your mind into the idea that you are supported and you have to accept that and you have to give yourself permission to feel it and lean into it more. You also have to give yourself permission to develop a vision and purpose, whether it's for your personal or for the business. You if you don't have that, you need to give yourself permission to take time and write out a vision, write out of your mission, your purpose. Because if you're not clear on that, then people who are coming to work with you, you're their leader, everything would become transactional. It's not a relational, it only becomes relational when there's a deeper emotional connection to it. There's only a deeper emotional connection to it when there's it's coming from a place of purpose and desire. And so if you don't know what that is, you can't communicate it. So if you do know what it is, you need to give yourself permission to talk about it, permission to share it. Not just at one of those quarterly, annual kind of meetings that you might have, one of those town halls. I'm talking about every day talking about it and showing vulnerability in it. Maybe you don't know all the answers, maybe you don't have all the plans. That's okay. People respect that if you communicate it in the right way. But if you want them to trust you, it's not just about you trusting them, if you want them to trust you, they need to be bought into something bigger than just work, than just a job. Because maybe the reason they don't care is because it just feels like a job, it just feels transactional. I show up nine to five, I get my money, and then I go home. Where's the purpose in that? And where's the life in that? This is why I talk about bringing life to work and bringing work to life. It's making them one, making a life of purpose just be the work. Then there is no work-life balance because there's no balance because there's just life, because we're all living from a place of purpose. And I think you need to give yourself permission to go there with your team and with other people. Can you imagine the impact of people actually showing up with clearer purpose? They're actually owning an area of the business, it's theirs to own. They're treating it like a living thing, they're treating your business, not like a machine, like a living thing, like an ecosystem or an organism that needs tending, that needs mining. Can you imagine people thinking this way about it? Because if you want them to think this way about it, you have to start thinking about it this way first. And you have to treat them like that too, so that you grow the people first and the people grow the business. That's what this is all about. That's the impact of this. And this is not just in business, this is just this is life in general. You can do this as a father, as a husband in your community. Start treating everything, not like a machine that's a that you have to get output from and you have to get something from it, and it's about productivity and efficiency. It's a living thing. If you walk into a forest today, you're going to be surrounded by trees. They're not looking at output or productivity or return on investments or any KPIs. They're living. There's no such thing as work-life balance, it's all just life growing as one. Let's start to think about our lives and business this way too and get rid of the isolation. The isolation comes in when it's more transactional and you think of it like a machine. We're living things. That's the impact. And we can change the world with this kind of thinking. And so let me bring you back to where I started today. I asked you who inspires you in life? Is there anything else special about them? Because I also want to ask you to be here right now listening to this, do you have to try? Or does it just come naturally to you? Do you need something to just be here right now, breathing, your heart beating, moving? You don't need anything. You're already enough. You're more than enough. So maybe what you feel is missing is the proof that you haven't achieved what you wanted to achieve yet. So as I bring this episode to a close, I want to ask you the question. And the question isn't what am I missing? The question is, what would I do if I knew I wasn't missing anything? Have a great week. Thank you so much for listening today. I really enjoy sharing this wisdom because it doesn't come from me, it comes through me from the work I do with men like you that I serve. So if the idea shared today resonated, be sure to like and follow the show. And if another man would value it, share this episode with him. Because the more men who hear this, the more of us can break free from pressure and enjoy what we're building. So let's enjoy the build together. Thank you for listening, and I'll see you next week.